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I haven’t come across anyone who’d prefer their friends to keep troubling matters to themselves. We often want a person to feel comfortable in confiding with us; opening up their hearts to let us know their deepest hurts. And many times it may be something that we ourselves are going through or went through. But what if it’s not? What if your friend comes to you and says they lived in an abusive home, drink to sleep because of the grief caused from the past; what do we say then? Sometimes, there’s nothing we can say. If a friend is telling us of a loved one who has passed away, sometimes it’s just best to listen. But many other times, that friend is looking for answers, and we ourselves better be open to what God wants us to say to that person.

What I’ve noticed is that often times we tend to try to give solutions to the symptoms without listening to God for a solution to the core problem. So let’s say you have a friend who says they want this and they are not going to be happy if the particular want doesn’t come to pass. What do we say then? Do we offer books or guides on how to be content with not getting that particular want? I think that’s giving a “solution” to a symptom of a greater problem. If we listen to that person carefully, they’ll reveal things to us about their relationship with someone else, often someone from the past, like a mother, father, and other relatives or maybe even a close friend. Either way you can be sure that this great desire to fill up a void was intensified due to some broken relationship. So we don’t offer the person solutions to the symptoms. Let me give a real life scenario. Say a friend says he wants to find a girl and get married. He says he will not be happy if he doesn’t have a wife to call his own, he has been praying to God but “no answer”. Let’s not be quick to offer “be content while single” guide books. Let’s not only say: “Trust in God, He loves you, He’s there for you”. While that is the truth, it’s hardly helpful if the person thinks that they are doing just that. Keep listening, that friend will surely reveal the underlying reason for this “I will not be happy without it” want. Almost always it is because of a want to feel loved, accepted. And that desire to be loved is now stressed as a result of something painful from their past or possibly, present life. Let me say that we all want to feel loved, but when we start thinking that “we must have and will not be happy without” we’re setting ourselves up for hurt and disappointment. So when our friends start talking like this, know that what they think they want is hardly the issue. We know it’s God they really need, but there is something that’s preventing that relationship from happening or blooming. So find out if this friend has any grudges towards anyone who might have hurt them. Let the person know that we must forgive and let go; that true forgiveness comes without condition. It doesn’t give the offender licence to continue hurting us, but it frees us and allows us also to be forgiven by God (Matthew 6:14-15). Depending on what was said, we’ll also want to let the person know that God is NOT a vending machine; that we can’t expect Him to do things on our terms and in our time. Remind the friend that we don’t get Jesus to have as a personal genie, we get Jesus because we are in need of a saviour, because we need His righteousness to wash us clean from sin (all rebellious actions against God; fornication (sex before marriage), homosexuality, lying, stealing, cheating, adultery, prostitution, murder, covetousness, drunkenness, slander, blasphemy (like using God’s name as a curse when trying to express disgust) and the list goes on). Also, that we need to seek Him, and the other godly desires of our hearts will be given us. Of course, in everything we do we petition to God in prayer. We can offer to pray for the person, and ask God to reveal things to that person, but I think we should also offer ourselves to be even more used by God on behalf of that individual. Here’s why. As a believer, if I’m going through a particular struggle often times I’m too consumed in the problem to actually realise that God has already answered me. I often need another brother or sister in Christ to bring me revelation from God. It will then occur to me that this was actually shown to me already.

So let’s be a lot more there for each other. There are times when we talk to God, He answers us and we know He answered. But when someone’s too consumed with the present problem, they often miss out on the answer from God. So at times we really need to get as involved as the Spirit will allow us to. Let us also get to the problem and not give solutions to symptoms of. The symptoms help to confirm our Spirit given suspicious of the real problem. May we pray that God gives us the wisdom and discernment to speak words that the Holy Spirit will use to get to the person’s heart.

We want to be used by the Spirit to get to the problem of heart; we want to be used by the Spirit to speak the Word to the heart. We need to get there, we need to be there.

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Life like a corn harvest can be challenging as well as tiring. Today, I as well as some other mates had the privilege to harvest corn at the Bethel foundation, which is a home for blind orphans in China. Without a good system in place, the task could have proven to be an unnecessarily tiring one. Our group decided instead of chopping all the corn stalks down and then picking out the corn cobs in the heap of chopped down corn stalks, while one chopped the other would pick and another would also bag. We did this in a row like fashion, and by time we knew it, we had harvested hundreds of corn in just a couple of hours. Our system was effective and it kept us on target. Life too has an effective “system” for its challenges, whether good or seemingly bad, that works every time. What I am referring to is faith, faith in Jesus Christ. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, but you often feel drowned in heart ache or tasks of life, then it just could mean that you feel that way because you are not using that God given privilege to go to God in prayer. It doesn’t matter what you’re facing, could be an exam, financial issues, marital issues whatever; prayer is your most effective system in overcoming any problem that you may face. If you do not know what to pray for, just pray that the Lord’s will be done and you are ready to accept the outcome of His will.

I myself for the past two days was down in my spirit. I was broken hearted by the actions of a friend and was just not my usual “up to beat” self. We all have these kinds of days, and though the Good LORD does not cause them to happen, He can and will use them for good. All we have to be is ready for Him to do so. In the past two days I have been crying out to God for strength, crying out to Him to give me a forgiving heart and asking Him to bless the friend that had hurt me. The latter of my prayer was not easy, but it’s necessary and I trust God to bring forth a good harvest having humbly petitioning it. It’s always necessary to call out the name of anyone we may have a conflict with. No one likes mentioning the name of someone that they are in some way or another not pleased with. You will even notice parents, even though they love their children dearly, will say to the other spouse “your daughter/your son did this or said that…”. During the easy days it’d sound more like “our daughter Jane/son John… ”. There’s more intimacy when things are good, but often a disconnection otherwise. So with that being said, when we pray for someone who has hurt us in some way or another, it is best to mention the person’s name or at least petition the matter with words like “God, please bless my friend”. This in no way gives the person license to what they may or may not have done, but it’s an effective “system” that harvests good character. Spending time with God in prayer is something we need to do daily, good days or not. The Bible records many times when our Lord Jesus prayed. If God the Son prayed, then we too should see this as pertinent in our lives. Don’t go another day without talking to your God, better said: don’t go any day without talking to your God, our God. Just like today my buddies and I harvested corn with an effective system which kept us on target, so too do we need to commune daily with God in order that we too remain on target, which is in His will. Praying in spirit and in truth keeps us geared towards the will of our LORD. Praying and believing that God will answer any prayer within His will, is simply known as trusting God, hoping in Him or waiting upon Him. We know what the Word says about this:

Isaiah 40:31

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

We should delight in the LORD always, in this way He will harvest His good character in us.